Dolora Zajick ROCKS

On Sirius Satellite Radio right now "Classical Voices" station: Dolora Zajick singing "Mon coeur s'ouvre a ta voix" from Samson et Dalila -- holy shit is all I can say.

What's This From? Will send you a big virtual kiss if you can guess.

Maurice & Me (Paula's special request)

Me, Metropolitan Opera, "Samson & Delilah", Act 1

Me, Metropolitan Opera, "Samson & Delilah", Act 3

Fuck Your Art (NW corner 5th Ave @ W. 8th St.)

Desperately Tweaking Susan

Wrong Number

Larry lived alone in his small inner-city apartment. He had no friends and most people ignored him at all costs.

Then one day, unexpectedly, the phone rang. Larry was surprised to find himself talking to God.

"Is this 555-3178?" God asked.

"No, this is 555-7138."

"Sorry." And God hung up.

Infant Tossing

A mother repeatedly tosses her infant so that it hits the ceiling.
The father asks, "Why are you doing that to the ceiling?"

Life of Henry David Thoreau

"The lesson he had taught himself, and which he tried to teach others, was summed up in the one word 'Simplify'. That meant simplify the outward circumstances of your life, simplify your needs, simplify your ambitions; learn to delight in the simple pleasures which the world of Nature affords. It meant also, scorn public opinion, refuse to accept the common definitions of success, refuse to be moved by the judgment of others. And unlike most who advocate such attitudes, he put them into practice."

J.W. Krutch, on the life of Henry David Thoreau

Mrs. Smith

One evening late in the war he was at the crowded bar of the then-smart Pyramid Club, in uniform, and behaving quite outrageously. Among the observers an elderly American Admiral had been growing more and more incensed. He now went over and tapped Teddie on the shoulder: "Lieutenant, you are a disgrace to the Service. I must insist on having your name and squadron." An awful silence fell. Teddie's newly-won wings glinted. He snapped shut his thin gold compact (from Hermes) and narrowed his eyes at the admiral. "My name," he said distinctly, "is Mrs. Smith."

A.H. Clarendon, "Time Was"

Aliens

ALIENS

When the aliens arrived none of us were ready. We were sitting around the dinner table, mindlessly chattering, when the knock came. Aunt Rose went to the door, swung it open, and was instantly vaporized. Horrified, we watched Aunt Rose’s ashes slowly settle to the floor. The door creaked shut. “Aliens!” Grandma whispered.

A few moments of silence followed, and then the knock returned. This time Grandma grabbed her shotgun, signaled everyone of her intent, and crept quietly to the door. The kind, eternal light had left her blue eyes. Her jaw was set, and I saw the look of the vengeful she-wolf bent on protecting her cubs.

Grandma suddenly flung the door open and I saw her pump two rounds into Harold Schmidt, the grocer up the street. When the smoke cleared, we all stood there, quietly observing Harold’s twisted, broken body.

“Who would have thought” Grandma’s voice quavered. “Old Harold Schmidt--a stinkin’ alien!”

Mood Swings

Save a Horse

Just heard my favorite song line of the week: "Save a Horse: Ride a Cowboy."

First Grader's Opinion

My first grade teacher, Mrs. King, had the misguided notion that she would teach us about converting to the metric system. To accomplish this, she had set up a table at the front of the classroom, covered with pitchers of water and plastic glasses and containers of various shapes and sizes. Within five seconds, most of the room was ankle-deep in water and waterlogged paper towels. Twenty-five shrieking children were flinging water at each other, at me, and at her. I turned to Mrs. King, her freshly lavender hair sodden and dripping, and said, my tone also dripping with judgment, "I don't think this was a very good idea."

She LOVES her violin!

Fucker

Fucker at Blue Moon

Dan and I stopped for dinner at one of our favorite restaurants in Chelsea, "Blue Moon", which is a truly scrumptious Mexican place. We were overjoyed to read the nametag on our waiter's shirt, which read, simply, "Fucker" in elegant cursive script. When he approached with the water pitcher, I complimented him on his nametag, and then asked him what his middle name was. He just grinned and waggled his eyebrows a few times. What a guy. Later he graciously agreed to be photographed.