Tits

Courtesy of "The Onion", issue of Saturday, 18 September 1954

New Magazine, 'Playboy,' Offers Astute Literary Criticism, Tits

CHICAGO, Ill. -- 'Playboy', a new upscale magazine for urban sophisticates and men-about-town that details all the aspects of today's educated-bachelor lifestyle, arrived at newsstands this week. Described as "entertainment for men" by editor/publisher Hugh M. Hefner, the glossy periodical will feature up-to-the-minute, ultra-modern articles on fashion, home furnishings, golf accessories and hi-fi sound systems, as well as informative pieces on the arts. Among the literary talents appearing in 'Playboy' will be such important contemporary writers as John Updike, Norman Mailer and noted essayist Truman Capote.

Hefner also stressed that the magazine will feature full-color photographs of naked tits.

"What kind of a man reads 'Playboy'?" asked Hefner, reclining on a crushed-velvet divan in his Chicago high-rise suite, swirling a brandy snifter as light jazz played in the background. "A man who is urbane, yet sporting. A man who appreciates fine wine and smooth cigars. One capable of savoring the delicate subtleties and deft turns of phrase in the finest contemporary fiction being published today."

"He is also," Hefner said, "a man who appreciates the sight of a robust pair of glistening, naked tits."

Initial reaction to the publication has been mixed, largely due to readers' indifference to ultra-modern articles on fashion, home furnishings, golf accessories and hi-fi sound systems, and their overpowering desire to view photographs of succulent, protruding, naked tits.

Hefner remains confident that, in time, his venture will grow into an unqualified success. "I envision myself cultivating important relationships with the greatest writers of this generation, earning a reputation as a publisher of cutting-edge fiction and non-fiction," he said.

"I also foresee an assortment of mansions across the country, through which I will stride, clad only in garish silk pajamas, surrounded by beautiful bouncing tits at all times."

Hefner explained that 'Playboy's' next issue will feature an article by noted critic and journalist Terry Southern, as well as a new work by award-winning author John Cheever.

"And," he said, "I cannot overemphasize this particular point: There will also be color photographs of enormous naked tits."